Oh boy. Is this really what we're dealing with? I've hated the book up until now (shocking, I know), but if I squint really hard I can kinda see something resembling good intentions hiding under all the misogynist bullshit and craptastic writing. There's an innocence and naivete on display that make me think the author is in needed of education and life-experience more than punishment. Yes, I know she's older than I am, and a married mother, but whatever. The belief that love conquers all and complete relationships can be created with one loaded glance…. It's like the dreams of a 12 year old girl just hitting puberty, sprung to vampiric life. Now, I'm not taking back a word of what I've written up to now, simply pointing out that there could be other and perhaps milder readings of the same material. And then the alley happened.
This chapter is horrific fan-fiction, the kind of thing you find in the first pages of pornographic novels that somehow get major-motion-pictures deals. I mean… What the fuck? What kind of cynicism and hatred does it take to actually write this? Think about it: How many male characters can you say this book has treated positively? One obviously, maybe two if you count the Doctor, and…… Mabye I'm just out of touch, but my instinct would be to start from a place of thinking humanity is fundamentally good when writing a book intended for teenage girls. Again, cynicism has its place in fiction. See the brilliant novels of Joe Abercrombie for a good example. But those books aren't meant for kids. I just… Fuck it, let's move on.
Um, ok, I need to say something positive. Angela seems nice, right? Quiet, unassuming, fairly recognizable as a real person. I'm glad Bella might get to have a friend. She's gonna need it. The other girl on the shopping trip, who didn't make enough of an impression for me to bother learning her name, is completely meh. Vapid, dumb, uninteresting, but basically not offensive so whatever. Also, girls still think and talk about exactly two subjects; Boys and clothing. They also don't bother to, I dunno, call their friend who's been missing in action for a fucking hour. Because, apparently, teenage girls aren't familiar with the use of a cellphone. This book is so fucking stupid…..
Right, back to the alley. In the interests of not ranting for another five hunded words, I'm going to ignore the hateful absurdity of the situation in which Bella finds herself. Like I said, there's a stunning lack of faith in the fundamental goodness of humanity in that scene. Now, I'm well aware that these situations do happen in real life, every day, and that they're purely horrific. But I can't shake the feeling that, for this group of small-town opportunistic rapists, their primary flaw is not being Edward. Look at the descriptors; "Casual… grimy…. raucous…" The men are poor and unattractive, everything our favorite piece of vampiric shit isn't, and so they're monsters. The binary thought-process is a wonderful thing, no?
Oh, speaking of Bedward…. Young gents, allow me to impart wisdom; Following a girl around in your car is neither romantic nor sweet. It's creepy, illegal, stalkerish, and generally not recommended for anyone wishing to get anything more than a restraining order from said girl. Young ladies, listen up; If a boy treats you in the way Edward treats Bella, I recommend calling the police post-fucking-haste. Asking your father / brothers to practice tee-ball with his skull is also acceptable. That Edward's presence proves useful in this case in irrelevant to the larger point. STALKING IS WRONG!
Fuck this book and the Volvo it drove in on.
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