Twiday the 13th

In which lions, and sparkles.

In our last edition of "throwing shade at Twilight," I pretty deliberately didn't spend much time actually talking about the book. Mostly because the book sucks. We're going to do things differently today, because this particular chapter sucks in some new and intriguingly awful ways. There is no plot, beyond the remarkably weird bit about Eddie glittering in the sun like an oversized engagement ring, which is pretty much exactly what he is. I'm honestly not sure what our dear Mrs. Meyer is going for here, but I'm quite certain that this is the first time in the book I've laughed out loud. I'm not one to say that new iterations of a familiar genre need to hold sacred any traditions of same. So, if she wants to have vampires who can come out in sunlight, I guess that's just dandy. But a little respect for tradition would be nice. This is a de-fanged vampire, a noble, tortured soul who happens to be a mass murderer. The sickeningly worshipfull imagery and description tells us that there's no monstrosity, no genuine evil in Edward. I disagree, but the book's point-of-view is difficult to mistake. What SM fails to realize is that a true redemption story, a bad man made good, is vastly more interesting than this twaddle.

Just to be clear; Edward is a fucking monster, just not in the appealingly broody way his author seems to have aimed at. Consider the line about how Eddie wanted to start munching on Bella's neck in a "room full of children." We have yet to learn how old Bedward actually is, but it's a bit older than seventeen. Consider also his assertion that "the lion fell in love with the lamb." Does anyone actually think this is a balanced power dynamic, a joing together on equal terms of two souls? Bella is a kid. She's a fucking child, and a not-particularly-mature one at that. The plot of this book concerns whether or not Edward can resist forcibly penetrating her - whether you read that as blood sucking or rape is entirely your call, and I'm not sure which one is worse. When they nuzzle and he sniffs along her neck or whatever, the image reminded me quite forcibly of the horrifying recent piece on campus rapes in Rolling Stone.

Edward even admits that she's "intoxicated" by his very presence. In other words, drunk on the mixture of hormones and adrenaline that is responsible for the majority of every teenager's actions. I don't know how many ways Ms. Meyer can demonstrate that Bella CAN"T GIVE CONSENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP. But hey, who cares about that, right? Anyone? Bueller?

Fuck this book. Seriously, fuck it.